Sorry, son, you're too old!

Tuesday, March 9, 2010 | by Newlywed | Labels: , , , |

I have four nieces that I love to dote on, pamper and spoil. They are ages 2-7 years old and they are the most precious little darlings ever (OK, I'm biased). So, of course we had our flower girls. But we didn't know of any young boys to be our ring bearer.

For some reason, I thought they needed to be young, like barely-old-enough-to-walk-young. My fiance and I don't know of any male children that age. Since we we decided to limit the children at our reception to just the wedding party, we thought we'd just go without a ring bearer.

Then I thought of my 10-year-old cousin. I'm really close to his aunt (she's one of our wedding sponsors) and I would really like to include him at the wedding. But under our strict guidelines, we couldn't invite him. Then it hit me...why not make him our ring bearer? He's still a kid. If he's willing...why not? So I asked his mother and she was fine with it. Then I asked my cousin, and he seemed genuinely flattered. He said yes! Yay, we have our ring bearer!

But when I told a friend about the new addition to our wedding party, she laughed.

Don't you think he's a little too old to be a ring bearer? she asked.

Too old? I asked. Why would he be too old?

Well, don't you want cute little kids to snuggle to in your photos? she asked.

Whaaaa? I'm supposed to tell my cousin he can't be our ring bearer because he's surpassed the age of 'cuteness'? I'm supposed to tell a kid who hasn't even hit puberty and still plays with toys that he's too old to walk a pillow down an aisle? I'm supposed to tell my cousin he's too old for my photos???

Why don't you ask Amber if her son can be a ring bearer? my friend suggested.

Amber's kid? I don't even remember his name! Is he even old enough to walk? I say.

Well, he's really cute. He'd make a more appropriate ring bearer. Just make your cousin a junior groomsmen.

Seriously, what has the WIC turned us into that all of a sudden there are age caps for cuteness? Now all of a sudden I'm supposed add kids to my wedding party because they're cuter than the ones I really want in my court? That's s%#t! Besides, we already have four groomsmen and four bridesmaids. Why would I need an extra groomsman?

Silly me, I turned to the Web and typed in "age" and "ring bearer." Sure enough, I found varying opinions on the subject.

No older than 9, one commenter insisted.

This one was classic: Any older than 7 and they start to look stupid.

Really. That. is. what. she. said.


Nowhere could I find valid reasons why ring bearers, or even flower girls, needed to be under a certain age, other than "they'll look stupid." By most accounts, in older days, these roles were filled by young men and women. So what difference would it make if I chose a kid slightly older than the so-called appropriate age? And if the child wants to be in my wedding party in the role I ask them to fill, even better, right? If I'm missing something, let me know. Otherwise, I think the flower girl/ring bearer age cap is crap.


JEM - Aqua Bride said...

I totally agree with you. I think all these so called norms and rules are ridiculous. People should include people that they're close to and love to be in their wedding party not who'll look good in photos. You go girl!

Anonymous said...

I agree with future SIL had her little brother be her ring bearer and he's 11...that's middle school aged...I say go for it and it's your wedding everyone else can get over it!

I'm on the opposite side...I have a ring bearer, but am trying to figure out who I will ask to be flower girl...the closest one I know is my mom's cousin's daughter's daughter haha that's some distance!

Perfect Blue Moon said...

Totally with you! But I think it's because people want their weddings to look fresh and young and innocent, that's even where the tradition of wearing white started, the bride had to be pure, innocent and virginal. Our daughter (flower girl) will be nearly 5, and our ring bearer will be just under 4... it's coincidence though and if they were 10 or 15 we'd still have them play the part!

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