No Regrets...OK, Maybe a Couple

I wrote before on the topic of having no regrets, absolutely loving your day regardless of what trouble/mini disasters came your way.
Well, I still believe in that positive affirmation, and regardless of what happened, whatever detail wasn't immortalized in our wedding album, our wedding was truly a very special day for the both us.
But...I would be lying if there are a couple things that I would reconsider if some magic time machine took me back to the moment we sat down and said, "Let's plan this thing."

1) Daytime versus Nighttime
We had a lunch wedding. It saved us a ton of money. Our wedding venue was a fantastic place. But...I still wonder, what if we had a nighttime wedding? Would more people have danced on the dance floor? Thanks to our fun-loving, energetic college buddies and my adorable flower girls, the dance floor wasn't empty. But my usually-dance-happy Filipino family just wasn't feeling it at 4 p.m. I don't really think of this as a regret, but it is something I do think about. We did search far and wide for a dinner option that fit our budget (that included everything else in our wishlist), but we decided that we could forego dinner for all the other things we deemed more important. The money we saved was a great asset to us--without it, we would have struggled big time financially. I wouldn't give up the things we did have in lieu of a dinner wedding, but sometimes I do wonder if there was a possible dinner venue out there for us.

2) The Guest List
Yes, I know, I've discussed the trials and tribulations of deciding who the "lucky" folks to be present at our wedding would be. I never would want to go through that torture again. I never really felt comfortable with putting a value on people I did care about -- who we like more, who would be rather see at our wedding. Growing up, my family always threw parties and it was always the more the merrier. I wish I had more of my family sharing in our special day. I wish I could have invited more of our friends. We couldn't invite children, and although our was a sophisticated affair, having children at the wedding probably would have made it more light-hearted and fun. But throwing a budget wedding, you have to be conscious of the number of people you invite. I still wouldn't have caved in to the pressure of the obligatory invites, but I think we would have tried to add more people. Of course, something else would have had to give...don't know what, but no use in worrying about it now!

So, yes, now you have it--sure there may be some things you would change if you had the chance, maybe researched a little more, and maybe some things you regret. But in the end, worrying about it, or dwelling on it, doesn't really do you any good. I say, when you plan your wedding really think about what's important to you. Realize that you may have to give up some things, but be at peace with it. 

I say, thinking about the would-have, could-have, should-haves every now and then is normal. We're human and our weddings were a big one-time deal. But I think about all the positives that made that day the unique, memorable, unforgettable moment it was for the both of us, and those tinges of regrets fade away.

Keeping up a wedding blog...post-wedding

So....it's been very obvious that it's been very quiet here lately...well, obviously my wedding came and went and what I have are very special memories from that day.
But now that I'm not planning a wedding anymore, I'm wondering where that leaves my wedding blog. Planning my own wedding and gazing at tons of wedding porn was really fun, but most of all, reading about other brides' personal journeys is what kept me sane and grounded during that year of planning. I was happy to be part of the wedding blogosphere, coming from the lower end of the wedding budgets and being mighty proud of it!
So where does that leave this blog? Many blogger brides have bid adieu once the their wedding is over, and I thought about going that route as well. But I was surprised to still see mail from new readers, even after my wedding. The truth is that there will always brides out there planning weddings. And there will always be budget-savvy brides looking to stretch their dollar and make their day amazing.
So, no, this won't be completely goodbye. This site is going to get a fresh makeover. There are more giveaways, inspiration, Real Weddings and DIY tutorials on the horizon, so stay tuned!

BTW, you are a newlywed? Was your wedding a budget-savvy affair? Wanna show off your amazing wedding pics? I'm looking for Real Budget Weddings from all parts of the country (a budget wedding in New York or Los Angeles will probably be quite different in terms of actual budget than say a budget wedding in small town Tennessee). Send your photos to idobudgetweddings@gmail.com
 and tell me all about your wedding!

Attitude of Gratitude

Our thank you greeting cards from Uprinting.com

Whenever I think of our wedding day, I have an overwhelming feeling of gratitude. Truly, it would not have been possible without the help of our dear family and friends. So I was very excited to send out our thank you cards...but geez, who knew how time consuming they are!

Thanks to winning a blog giveaway, I won free greeting cards from Uprinting.com. I made a simple Thank You card design on Photoshop, and there you go, our Thank You cards were finished! We needed a few more thank you cards for our vendors, so I ordered several more postcards from Snapfish.com. I think Snapfish has the better deal  if you just want a few (like less than 25). I paid a $1 for each and a minimal shipping fee.

Our postcards from Snapfish.com. When you send out postcards, postage is just 28 cents!

We knew we wanted to hand write out each card with a personal message for our guests, but times that by about 60 cards...that's a long time at the desk...and potential carpal tunnel! So, we didn't get them out as soon as we wanted (yeah, nearly two months later is a wee bit late), but we got them out.

As an added bonus from our photographer at Bliss Imagery, we received little business card-sized photos from the wedding day. We put the photos in each of our cards to our guests as an another momento from the day.

We headed to the post office and sent out our thank you cards and, in a way, I was a little sad.

The last item on our seemingly never-ending wedding list was checked off. Well, there are still wedding photos to get printed, and other random items, but really...that's about it.

While we're happy the planning part is done and we're finally MARIEEED, the whole process was a fun, exciting, sometimes stressful and emotional ride, but truly memorable time for the both us. It was a project we both successfully completed together and it was a true partnership and team effort. We will always be grateful for the memories and every time I think of our special day, I'll always be reminded of how truly blessed we are.

Now it's time for an even greater team project...and this one lasts for a lifetime!

Do me a favor...the debate rages on

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Three years ago, I attended my FSIL's wedding and she and her husband donated to Doctors Without Borders instead of giving the traditional favors. I remember thinking that it was the coolest favor ever! Don't get me wrong, I can awe over the tasteful handmade soap or the delicious pieces of chocolate as a token of the couple's gratitude (take a look at my previous wedding porn posts about oh-so-cute favors), but I also appreciate knowing that the efforts and money that would have gone to all of that were put toward a worthy cause. So if you've been reading my blog, you'll know that we are not doing the traditional favors. We decided that there wasn't anything we wanted to give 100+ guests on our measely favor budget that didn't scream tacky, cheap or completely useless. So we decided to nix favors completely and spend our time and efforts in donating to cancer research and support and awareness programs (the 1000 cranes we spent three months and nearly a 100 hours making will be donated to the Wedding Co. who then will donate 50 cents per crane to a cancer research organization. Do the math and that's a pretty penny going toward a worthy cause!).

But apparently, there's an arguement within the wedding industry and the blogoshere on whether or not donations in lieu of the traditional favor is a good idea at all. For some, not sending guests home with homemade soap or chocolates and then telling them where their favor went instead is incredibly rude. The first arguement is that a donation going toward something else other than me, is not a gift to me. And telling me that you did it in my honor is baloney.  I get the logic, especially if I had no say on where the donation went. But on the contrary, I did see my FSIL and her husband's donation in lieu of a favor as a gift to me, because I truly felt much better with the knowlege of where the money went to instead. Let's face it, you're not always going to care for the favor -- the porcelain figurine or monogrammed shotglass is thoughtful, but I really don't have a place to put the figurine and um, I don't drink shots, much less hard liquor. With a donation, it felt good knowing that money that would have gone toward a gift with little functionality or short shelf life that I, too, had no say in, was spent on something with more lasting impact. I also knew that the favor came from the couple's heart and was meaningful to them (they're doctors). In a way, I feel like I did share in the donation because without us the guests, a favor wouldn't have been an issue. Without us there, the donation would not have been made. No, the favor does not affect me personally, it's not something I can hold, see or personally use. But I can see how the favor will do more good in the bigger picture and how it will affect more people than myself. The thought is rewarding in itself, and I'm happy the couple chose that favor for me.


The second argument is that not everyone will agree with the cause or charity organization, no matter how harmless and worthy it may seem (read further into the comments of the Manolo post and you'll see how some might even consider donating to cancer research offensive). True, someone's objection to a cause or charity might trigger a more sensitive response than a lousy picture frame would. If you are making a donation in lieu of a favor, it is important and wise to stick to a cause that would be less controversial. But, in my mind, I still can't see how giving a cupcake or candy is somehow better than a donation to what most would consider a worthy cause such as cancer research, relieving global hunger, natural disaster aid, etc. One commenter implied that it's better to give a cheap favor that will get tossed in a day or two to avoid ruffling the feathers of one or two guests (I read the few comments against donations to cancer research, and while I do feel for their reasoning, I did not feel it was enough to not consider donating to what I truly feel is a just cause).

Lastly, I don't think it's rude to let people know about the donation. Favors are usually far from my mind at a wedding, but I think it would nice to know about the donation and it would make me feel better knowing that something thoughtful was done on my behalf. So no, the statement "in lieu of favors, we have decided to donate to ___________ in your honor" would not offend me at all. On our cards for our guests, we did not explicitly state "in lieu of favors," but we did say that a donation was made in their honor. Perhaps if I felt I was entitled to something tangible or a something edible that I can call all mine, I would be annoyed by it. But as in any favor or gift, not everyone will appreciate the thought. From a guest perspective, I think a donation favor  is very rewarding, not just for me but potentially for many people. To me, that's one of biggest favors I can ask for!

Setting up House

As a newlywed to be, I’m always looking at items to decorate our new home. The things I’m gazing longingly at? Right now, bathroom and toiletry items. I always love a beautiful, nicely organized bathroom. Especially a gorgeous vanity.

I’ve been logging onto CSN Stores a lot recently because they seem to have everything for your new home. Like these vanity items:

This white neo classic look is lovely!

I am digging the glass bowl contemporary look.

The his and hers vanity set

Stay tuned for more from CSN Stores!

The Name Game

One other thing about applying for your marriage license in California is that you can determine your new last name right when you apply. (be sure you're certain about the name you list down because I've heard it's a hefty fee to change it again!)

I debated for awhile what I wanted to do with my last name once I got married. I've had my maiden name all my life. I'm proud of it, and it will always be a part of me. I can't really bring myself to fully let it go. But at the same time, I want to recognize the new union I'm entering into. My husband and his family are now part of my family. And I want that union to be a part of my new identity. So, what to do?

Someone suggested having two last names. Like, I would go by my married name in public but my maiden name would exist just on paper...just another name like my middle name. That didn't seem right for me either.

Enter the hyphen. In fact, I've told people this is what I wanted to do for years. They're reaction? Oh but your names will sound wierd together! Your name is long, his is hard to pronounce, it's just going to confuse people!

I have to admit, a hyphenated last name comprising of our two names will be a challenge for most. All my life, people always had trouble prounouncing my Filipino (actually Italian sounding) last name...the same for my fiance's Samoan name (man, those apostrophes!). Put the two together...I can see the look of horror of folks trying to figure it out! Does it bother me? Honestly...to me, it won't be any different -- it will just another hard-to-prounounce-ethnic-name to other people (just as my maiden name was). To me? It's a name I'm truly proud of!

You've been warned

Up to this point, I never considered myself a bridezilla. I've been pretty mellow, calm and patient about a lot of things. If something doesn't work out, I let it go...what's done is done, no need to waste precious time worrying about it, right?

But if you renege on a signed, written and legally-binding contract, fail to own up to any wrongdoing or refuse to assume responsibility for your own actions, I will go mad, crazy, fuming, you'll-be-sorry bridezilla on yo ass! For realz....

Just a thought

I read an interesting post over at Wedding Bee. A bride-to-be and her groom-to-be enters a tuxedo shop looking for a suit. The groom wants to wear a white shirt, but when the bride discloses that she will be wearing an ivory gown, the salesman is clearly disturbed. He insists an ivory dress and white shirt will look "dirty" in pictures. His is so strong in his reaction (and in my opinion, I find it overreacting) that it's no wonder people tend to have such poor confidence in their choices. There are folks out there, with no real say-so in your wedding plans, filling your head with total paranoia. Really, did the salesman have to call the look "dirty"?

The thing is, no one who really cares about your wedding will care about white vs. ivory. My sister wore a white wedding gown while her groom wore a traditional Filipino barong which is decidedly more ivory. Did I notice? Not really, not even 7 years later until I read this post. All I remember was what a great-looking  couple they were! Maybe it's because I truly cared about the couple getting married, that their happiness transcended anything they wore that day and that I was emotionally connected to the wedding. For those who aren't, I can see how an ivory dress vs. a white shirt would be such a big deal....well, maybe not a big deal, but I can see how they would maybe notice.

I read a post about a person who attended a wedding and rolled their eyes to high heavens when the father of the bride read his speech from a piece of paper. How tacky, they declared!

But my father read his speech off a piece of paper at my sister's wedding. It brought tears to my eyes because knowing my father, he rarely gets emotional. He hates speaking in public and is very shy. With English being his third language, he wanted to be sure he said his speech with perfect English, so he wrote it out and I helped him correct his grammar. But the speech was heartfelt and genuine, and I was really proud of him. I don't think I cared for a second he read off of a paper, and it touched a lot of people, and most of all, my sister.

Look, it's not a crime to care about these things...the little details that might matter to you. But don't let other people's ideas of what you should worry about get to you. And don't let the little details get in the way of things that truly do matter.

Very Superstitious!

There are a couple wedding superstitions we're keeping in mind. I am wearing a sixpence in my shoe (Thanks, Mon Amour Boutique!) and the FH refuses to see my gown until I'm walking down the aisle (nope, no First Look shots for us!) But there is one superstition I just don't get!

Along with making my veil and the flower girl dresses, my aunt is so kindly altering my wedding gown. She did afterall work as a seamstress in a wedding dress factory! Yes, I do feel really grateful for relatives offering their convenient services! But what's not so convenient in this case is my aunt's strongly held Filipino wedding superstition -- I'm not supposed to wear my wedding gown until the day of the wedding! That means no fittings before then. Ummm...not going to happen!

I've told my aunt too late, I've already tried on the dress. But she refuses to work on it with me in it! It's bad luck, she says! You see, in the Philippines, dresses were always custom made. The seamstress would take the bride's measurements so it was a good chance the bride wouldn't need a whole lot of alterations come wedding day. But this superstition doesn't bode well here where most dresses come in standard sizes! What will be truly bad luck is an ill-fitting wedding gown!

So what's a girl to do? Luckily, because I have tried on the gown before, I know what alterations need to be done. Nothing major, just a tightening of the shoulder straps, which my aunt can do in 10 mins. But this situation still doesn't ease my mind!

Are you adhering to any wedding superstitions? If so, which ones and why?

The missing years

My sister is helping us put together our slideshow, aka. show 'em your baby pics montage for the reception. While scanning our photos to send to my sister, I realized how my photos seem to end after age 9. My FH has cute, happy and fun photos of himself throughout every stage of his life. There always seems to be a plethora of "awww" photos of him. Me? Those photos stop after the point I started to get skinnier, more gangly and heading straight into my awkward pre-teen and teenage years. Yep, those are the Missing Years in my life. I kind of ducked or hid behind someone whenever someone flashed a camera, hence the lack of photographic evidence of ages 9-17, when the glasses and braces eventually came off.

I kind of laugh at those years now, especially at my awful 90s bangs, the NKOTB Tees, or even my purple-haired teenaged punk phase. But I seriously don't have any photos of those years, or at least ones without a hand in my face.

Maybe I'll ask friends and family if they have any photos of me lying around somewhere. Or maybe I'll just let them stay where I had orginally intended them to be -- lost in oblivion.

Bridesmaids 101

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We've all heard bridesmaid horror stories. Just head over to Wedding Bee's rant and vent board and you can entertain yourself with them. But I so understand how stressful being the bride can be, and your bridesmaids can be your lifesavers. But what happens when they don't exactly fulfill your expectations? What happens when they don't seem to know what everyone in the bridal world knows they're supposed to know?

Trust me, I feel the pain. But, in all fairness unless your bridesmaids have taken part in quite a few weddings, this might be new territory for them. There really isn't a bridesmaid manual we're all supposed to read, and
this isn't exactly stuff your mama told you growing up. So how are we supposed to know what being a bridesmaid really entails?

I have a confession. I was a bad Maid of Honor for my sister's wedding several years back. I was honored when my sister asked, but I was so clueless. I hadn't been a part of any weddings before then, except if you count the time when I was a 4, walking petrified down the aisle as the flower girl for my aunt's wedding. I wanted to help out, but being away in college, it was tough. I'm not making excuses, but honestly, no one really said anything or told me what I was supposed to do. Now, as I'm planning my own wedding, I wanna kick myself for not being much of a help.

So how can you avoid the drama of unmet expectations? Simply put, communication. When you ask your ladies to be in your court, make sure they know what you expect of them. Perhaps take them out for a cup of coffee after they've agreed to be your bridesmaid and talk about their responsibilities. When you do, make sure you cover these basics:

1) How involved do you want them to be in planning process? Be specific with the roles or tasks. If you want them to plan the shower and you want nothing to do with the planning, tell them. If you want them there for the cake tasting, food tasting, dress shopping, tell them. Make sure they know important dates and information. If you want them to take control over certain tasks or areas of the planning process with little direction from you, let them know. And if they can't fulfill your expectations, they need to tell you. I've heard of brides making a notebook of responsibilities for their bridesmaids. I send them periodic emails to keep them posted. But true, even when you tell them once, you may have to keep reminding them. Even though your mind may be racing with invite fonts, flowers, first dance songs and chicken or fish, doesn't mean their's is.

2) Straighten out budget issues early. As bridesmaids, they're probably going to have to shell out some money, whether it's for their dress, shoes, jewelry, bridal shower, bachelorette party, etc. Make sure they know what you expect them to pay for and what you are covering, if anything. Make sure they're ok with the amount of money they'll be asked to spend. Talk to them about their budget as well. With the economy being the way it is, I knew I couldn't ask my ladies to purchase a $300 dress on top of hair and makeup, among other things.

3) Establish attire details with them. I've never been a fan of making my bridesmaids wear a dress without hearing any type of input from. But if you are doing so, make sure they know that's what you plan on doing and they're OK with it. It's just not cool to surprise them with a dress you they're not willing to wear. If you tell them, "Wear anything you want," make sure that's what you really mean. If you plan on letting them choose their own gown, let them know of any specific requirements you might have (sillouhette, color, fabric, etc) before they surprise you with a gown you loathe.

4) Talk about wedding day tasks. Lay out in specifics what you want them to do, where you need them to be and when. It will be helpful to fill them in on the overall schedule and details of the day, so when it comes time, you can relax!

5) Be honest with them. If you're uncomfortable with a suggestion or the way they're handling a situation, talk to them about it. I read about a bride who was stressing big time when her MOH took over the wedding decor and colors into a look entirely different from the bride and groom's initial vision. Sure, it's nuts, but it doesn't help just to stew over it. Remember whose wedding this is and no one should make you feel pressured into something you don't want. Chances are, she doesn't even know it's bothering you that much. Make sure you tell her you appreciate her help, but you'd like to do things differently.

6) Hear them out. I know it's your day and it's your wedding, but you should listen to your bridesmaids' needs as well. When one of my bridesmaids hadn't picked out or ordered her dress yet, I panicked. I thought perhaps her interest in being a bridesmaid was waning and it hurt my feelings. After talking to her, I realized it wasn't lack of interest...she had been suffering through major morning sickness in her first trimester and was stressing out with board exams! In that case, I was able to be more understanding of her situation and offered to help her out as much as possible.

7) Show your appreciation. I'm not just talking about bridesmaid gifts (and I don't think the more money you spend on them always equates to how much you appreciate them). But remember, you asked them to be your bridesmaid. They are doing a lot for your day--whether it's expense-wise, or helping you plan and prepare leading up to the wedding and/or on the day of. Sometimes a little gesture here and there and a word of encouragement can go a long way. Chances are, your bridesmaids might not all know each other. It would be nice to take them all out for a little treat (coffee, dinner, lunch, maybe a spa day?) during the planning process for a little bonding time. This can help relieve tension and/or drama that might occur down the road.

Tomorrow starts today

There's been something I've been putting off that I'm not too proud of. I haven't been exercising. It was my New Year's resolution and nearly four months later, I haven't really resolved anything. I'm not trying to get in shape just for the wedding, but for piece of mind and health. I used to be a pretty active person -- I ran a half marathon and went to the gym at least four times a week, but these past few months, I haven't been very motivated to work out. Why? When I graduated from grad school, my university gym membership expired and I never went out to look for a new membership. You can certainly work out without a gym membership, but for someone who needs motivation and accountability, it's not so easy for me. It's easier to put on your gym clothes and head to the gym when you know you're paying for it. Two, I tend to be big procrastinator. There's always tomorrow, right?

Well, tomorrow starts today. It was especially humbling when my niece patted my stomach and asked me if I was pregnant (kids say the darnest things!) and the FH discovered his BMI was in the "poor" range. With the wedding four months away (yikes!), the future hubs and I decided to start our married life together by getting into a new routine. We decided to stick to a workout schedule and even purchased a gym membership together. LA Fitness was having a grand opening special for a new location and we purchased ours for a $29.99 initiation fee and $29.99/month (we can cancel anytime after the 2nd month). We also resolved to eat out less and cut out fast food.

Our goals? He wants to lose 25 pounds. Me? I'm not too concerned with losing weight. I just want to be in shape, tone up and feel more energized (which I'm sure will result in weight loss). We sat down, looked at our schedules and drew up a realistic plan. It's a little harder for the FH (with work and school, his schedule is a bit cramped as it is). But he's choosing to look at workout time as another scheduled event in his week, like class and work--not just something he wants to do, but has to do. I'm excited to get to do what I always used to love--swimming, yoga and kickboxing. Wish us luck with our fitness goals!

Trends are trends (even indie ones)

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I'm a huge supporter of couples doing whatever they want for their weddings regardless of how crazy or how far off the beaten path it is. But here, I discuss wedding trends and yes, I support them too! Once you've been exposed to the lovely world of wedding blogdom, you're prone to falling in love in at least one wedding trend. Non-white wedding shoes? Had me at hello. A family tree guestbook? Perfect! Ringbearer dish? Yes, mam!

 There's a reason why trends are popular...because they're cute, beautiful and meaningful in their own right. Being trendy is not necessarily a bad thing at all. If it's meaningful and reflective of the person/couple doing it, it's perfect for them. Not everyone might agree with it or really get it, but if it fits the couple and the celebration, then who are we to judge? When I told my more traditionally minded sister about my friend's plan for the In N' Out truck to cater her wedding, my sister smirked. But why would you want to do that? She asked. I spent the next 20 minutes sticking up for my friend's In N Out truck even though it's not something the FH and I ended up doing. It works for them, so get over it.

But when I tell my more unconventional, heavily tatted friend I seriously wanted the traditional white dress with a long train, she smirked. That's so boring, she said. You seriously want to look like every freakin' bride out there? Can't you find a cool vintage dress? As much as I love, love, love vintage dresses there wasn't one I wanted. I tried them on, and to my surprise, didn't really feel any of them. I just couldn't see myself wearing one down the aisle. I wanted something more...can you believe it?...conventional. But after looking through so many blogs with offbeat, kickass, indie-minded brides in their vintage gowns, I thought maybe I should want a vintage gown.

 

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But just because a trend is more popular, conventional and tried a zillion times, doesn't make it better or worse than what we call indie-trends. Mason jars, outdoor, DIY photobooths, even non-white bridal gowns, are all great alternative touches to a wedding and yes, probably fresher and newer to your audience. But just because they're less popular and conventional doesn't make it less of a trend. They're still trends, people!

 But yes, trends do get a bad rap. Because, unfortunately, people tend to latch onto them thinking it's something they should do, that they're supposed to do. If they don't well, they're weddings will be viewed as just not chic enough. I'm not just talking about the usual, more traditional trends, the ones that grace most wedding mags and The Knot. I've seen this happen with "indie" trends as well. Some people (note, not all people)  assume they're weddings are cooler and more original, more meaningful just because they've done something considered "indie." No, I'm not saying that everyone that does something considered trendy are just trendsetting posers. I don't judge everyone that does something I've seen somewhere else as unoriginal and jumping on the bandwagon. But there's an irony in folks trumping something "different" just for the mere fact of trying to be different -- yes, those folks do exist. Some people might think just the mere fact of having moustaches on a stick at their wedding makes their wedding more unique and original. Unfortuantely, no it doesn't. You just have to look at a Real Wedding feature on any blog to see why. What truly makes moustaches on a stick unique at a wedding is that it's something that the couple really wanted at their wedding, it's quirkiness is reflective of them and it adds a fun touch to their wedding. And, yes, it might be something fresh and new for their guests.

Don't feel bad for actually wanting something trendy or doing something you know a bunch of other couples have done before. There's nothing bad about it at all and you don't lose your individuality just because you do. But just as there is such thing as pressure to conform to the conventional wedding trends (super expensive bridal gown, ultra-nice invitations, and a wedding cake to the ceiling, etc.) some folks might feel the pressure to conform to to "indie" trends (wow, isn't that an oxymoron?). No, I'm not going to judge you if you do something I've seen somewhere else. Just remember, don't do something just because everyone else is doing it and you think it's something you should do, whether it's conventional or even indie and alternative. But don't do it either, just because you want to fit the image of being offbeat, unique and original. Maybe you don't want a huge ballroom celebration with a sparkler send off. That's fine. Maybe you don't want a vintage Anthropologie wedding with brown bag picnic in the park. That's fine too. Do it because it fits you and your FH. Once you do something that's truly reflective of you two, it truly becomes a unique and orginal celebration of YOU!

*Additional comments: Now, if you do decide to do something considered "indie" and offbeat (i.e. something that would make my mom and FMIL take a seat in horror), I commend you. I'm fully aware you're in the minority and it takes a lot of guts and perseverance to stick to your guns about something that means a lot to you. Trust me, I get it. I know the comments and resistance you might be facing. The FH and I deal with this too with our own wedding plans. This post in no way dimishes your efforts. I'm just saying...we shouldn't be apply expectations and standards on anyone for a celebration that is truly personal--whether those expectations are Martha Stewart conventional or Offbeat Bride alternative. You may look to friends, family, magazines, blogs and ,shoot, even those wedding reality shows for inspiration...just don't look to them for validation.

Wedding Blogs...friend or foe?

Wedding blogs, as much as I love and am addicted to them, they can be really hazardous to your self esteem. I think we’ve all been victim to the inspiration-turned-guilt factor of wedding porn overload. But how can one help it? After staring at gown after beautiful gown, ingenious and crazy creative ideas, killer photography and imagery, you can’t help but compare your own choices and plans to what you see. You start to wonder…Is my wedding good enough?


The important thing is…don’t. Don’t second guess yourself…unless you know for sure you’ve made a mistake (flashback to my gown episode!). As long as you make decisions that feel right to you and not what other people think, you're doing just fine. There are times when I feel completely clueless and I’m sure if David Tutera were to see my attempt at wedding styling, he’d haul in his My Fair Wedding crew in an instant. I suck at building inspiration boards, and have still yet to start one for myself. We never had a clear concept or theme, and just kind of put in elements and ideas that we loved together, hoping that they’d just work. Brilliant, huh?

Valentines for him on a dime

I'm really looking forward to this Valentine's Day. It's our time to take another break from wedding/marriage planning and just have fun with each other. But V-days always presented some sort of challenge for me. I never knew what to give my guy on Valentine's Day. Everyone always says it's a chick's holiday, but it doesn't seem right to forget about my significant other on a day about love.  But every site suggesting V-day gifts for him always named some sort of electronic gadget, and we all know any tech toy beginning with an "i" ain't cheap. So how do you show the guy in your life how much you love and appreciate him without shelling out major $$$? Well, if your guy is anything like mine, he'll love the thoughtful things much more than the expensive stuff. Seriously, it's the little things you say and do for him that will really get him!

My favorite budget gifts for him:

1. Dinner and a movie
So you may not be Paula Deen, but guys love a home-cooked meal. And if you don't make dinner often, it could be something really special you two can do together. What's more romantic than making dinner together, sitting down and having a great conversation over your culinary achievements? Sure it might be just Prego pasta and salad, but it's the time together that really counts. Follow up dessert snuggling on a couch with a rented movie.

2. Random love notes
An unexpected "I love you" note can really make your day. What makes them really sweet is leaving them in places around the house where he'd least expect it. How about leaving notes describing a favorite memory each of you had with one another, with the last note being a gift certificate or coupon for another new memory you can make with other another?

3. Love Coupons
Making him some "I owe you's" might make him excited about things to come. How about a massage? A dinner? A night at the movies? A day doing whatever he wants? If you're not crafty, you can download them for free .

4.What about doing things you both will enjoy, not just whatever he or she wants to do? For us, it would be a day hiking, a day trip sampling new cuisines, or trying something new and fun, maybe rock wall climbing, paint balling or bike riding along the beach. Look into your community's entertainment guide and you might find a lot of inexpensive or free ideas.The possibilities can be endless!

The Talks

What engaged couple doesn't have The Talks? How can you marry someone, intend to spend the rest of your life with that person without making sure you're on the same page about...oh, say, children? Finances? Goals for the future? Values? Spirituality?

Well, apparently a lot of couples, if divorce rates are any indication. The fiance and I went to a Catholic Engaged Encounter, a pre-marriage retreat for engaged couples over the weekend. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy discussing our future with my fiance, but I kind of saw the weekend as a timecard to punch. The church we're marrying in requires us to attend one of these retreats as their Pre-Cana, or preparation for marriage. I'm all for marriage preparation. I'm a planner for sure. But a weekend without Internet, cell phones, television and sleeping in strange surroundings? Not so much.

Ask and you shall receive

I had been really worried about our reception timeline for awhile. When we booked our ceremony and reception venues, the only things we asked ourselves were: Love the place? Check. Fit our budget? Check. Available on our proposed wedding date?  Check. We were good to go. The thing is, our church schedules morning weddings at 11 a.m. Our reception venue is booked from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. What we didn't realize was that an 11 a.m. ceremony would cut our reception to about three and a half hours. A very cramped three and half hours. Our ceremony will last at least 30 minutes, and with 1 hour of portraits and photos, and about 10 minutes of travel time, lunch won't get started until close to 1 p.m.  I figured we would be tossing dishes in front of our guests and as soon as they take their first bite, we'd be moving right into dessert. Bouquet toss? Forget about it. Speeches? Say "Thanks and good luck," Dad, and move right along. Seriously, I never knew that one lost hour would cost us so much.

So what to do? We already put down our deposits for both venues. Any way we can borrow time? Our reception venue told us extending our time slot was not an option. Great. My fiance thought it was a lost cause. We would just have to live with a very casual reception. I can live with casual, but darn it...we would barely have time to eat with that time frame, let alone dance. Would we even get through a song?

So, I thought I'd try and talk to our priest to see if starting our ceremony earlier would be an option. I thought it would be a long shot...perhaps they would have events already lined up for the day. If it wasn't possible, it would be ok. We had already resigned ourselves to a bare-boned, lunch-only-and-that's-it reception.

When I called our priest and sheepishly asked to move our ceremony earlier, say 10 a.m., he was more than willing. Not a problem, he said, that actually works out better for us. Perfect! It's an early ceremony (yeah, I'd like to see my punctually-challenged relatives be on time for that!), but hey, it gives us more time to really enjoy the day! We don't have to rush the ceremony or reception. Now we can listen to their embarrassing speeches! 

Things could be worse

For the last couple of days, wedding planning has kind of taken a backseat again. You see, my fiance's family is going through a crisis right now and he kind of hinted that it may affect our anticipated budget for the wedding. I haven't really thought about the impact of that right now, or it hasn't really hit me as I thought it would. A lot of self-centered brides would be crying over this "tragic" development, but um, no. For one thing, there are more important things to take care of. Things beyond the wedding that are far more "tragic." Family crisis needs to be resolved. The well-being of loved ones are our priority.

How much is our budget now? I don't know. But if we thought we had to be resourceful and creative before, we definitely need to turn it up several notches. But I'm not worried. We're still going to be married, regardless. That's just how I see it. Things happen, s!%t happens. Move on. There are worse things that can happen. (Thanks, $2000 Wedding Budget for putting it into perspective!). But you know what? Despite not really do anything for wedding, things are kind of getting done.

Well, I met up with some friends for pho (Vietnamese noodles, yo!), and I told them a little bit of what's been going on. My good friend's boyfriend graciously offered his talents to DJ for our wedding, for FREE! I was really touched by his generous offer and he insisted it was his wedding gift to us! Wow! I mean, really, wow! Even though things might be a little bleak right now as far as funds, we have been really blessed. A friend just offering to volunteer to help plan the wedding, another friend agreeing to do both photography and video for way, way less than he normally charges, and now someone DJing for free. People have been really good to us and we're so completely grateful.

The case for sleeves

I may be going against the grain here. I might be bunking wedding fashion sensibility of say the last decade or so. But I'm just not feeling strapless. I know I'm dissing 90% of wedding gowns out there, but it's true. You see one strapless white gown, you feel like you've seen them all. Don't get me wrong, but strapless is quite lovely. Beautiful, really. But I never really saw myself as the the long, svelte model with the posture of a graceful swan who can really pull the look off.

I'm not saying strapless has got to go. I'm just saying it would be nice to have some variety out there. Yes, I'd like sleeves, straps, or maybe even just an interesting neckline, but I don't want to look like this:

Much too modest for my taste.

A saleswoman at one of my last visits to a bridal shop got frustrated with my no-strapless policy, considering her selection of non-strapless gowns was pretty shabby.

"Strapless has been the main style trend for the last decade," she said. "We only carry the styles that are popular in the elite wedding fashion scene." Meaning, non-strapless is soooo out. Listen, I didn't need a lecture on what's in, lady. I don't need you telling me that if I don't wear a strapless gown, I'm taking several years back in wedding fashion. Just find me a gorgeous gown with sleeves!

Then I found this article on Ivanka Trump's regal wedding gown!

Source

It was designed by Vera Wang and I love it! Modesty meets elegant and chic. Very lovely. Can the dress spark a renewed interest in sleeves for brides out there? Maybe. But even Vera gets strapless overload: "I've been doing strapless for 15 years. It's tiring."

I'm baaack!

See, that wasn't so bad. A few days not really worrying about wedding stuff  was actually quite nice (but I have to admit, I did catch myself daydreaming, or allowing myself to entertain a random thought or idea for wedding). For the most part, I tried not to focus on the big day. The fiance and I watched Inglorious Basterds (not for the squeamish, that's for sure), walked the dog, took my parents out for dinner to celebrate their birthdays, resumed my job search (the publication I work for is currently on "hiatus"), I read a book (The Pursuit of Happyness -- so much more to the story than the film portrays)--all to remind me that I do have a life outside of wedding planning.

So what to do now? Well, I have a full plate of to-dos to take care of. First, and this is a biggie, the dress. I have a couple of maybe's -- dresses I think are lovely, clean, classic and, um, verrry much in my budget range. But there is another possibility that I know I need to explore. It's a long-shot considering my budget, but it doesn't hurt to look into it. Keeping my fingers crossed!

I need to research DJs. We were thinking of going with my cousin, but...I don't know...he upped his previous proposed quote and, well, we're not so sure he's much of a deal anymore. We'd love to include him in the wedding cuz he's family and all, but dude, what happened to the family discount?

I'm finishing our STD's, and I'm really excited about them. More on this later.

I'm gathering quotes for local hotel blocks. Didn't think we would need to do this since most of our guests are local, but since we'll reserve a couple of hotel rooms for the bridal party that weekend anyway we figure we can save money with the group discount rate.

Hmmm, what else? Does anyone know of a good Samoan dance group in the So. Cal area? Just thought I'd ask.