Wedding Lesson #8: Obligatory Invites...Don't do it

Wednesday, September 15, 2010 | by Newlywed | Labels: , , |

I'd hate to post something negative, especially since our wedding was such a beautiful, joy-filled day. Maybe I've got a grudge I have yet to bury, but I've got to get this off my chest: Don't fall victim to the obligatory invite. Nope. Don't do it. It's not worth it. If someone has to force you, I mean literally scream and pout about inviting someone who clearly was so far off your guest list you asked "Who?" when their name was suggested, then nope don't do it.

But we caved in. We only have ourselves to blame for that. So my only resolution is to make sure other couples don't make the same mistake. When the auntie and uncle who mom and dad insisted on inviting never responded to our invitation, I called. And I left a message. Two weeks before the wedding, auntie calls to casually say that they're coming after we had assumed they weren't. Oh, and their grown son who lives with them wants to come, too. Whahhh? Never mind they're totally being rude by responding a month late, but they're adding another person on the invite! But I cave in. Not only does said auntie and uncle pull this on us, but so does another aunt who insists her grown granddaughter who lives with her can't stay home alone. Another aunt who's been MIA in our family for more than 10 years inexplicably shows up two weeks before the wedding. Mom insists that we must invite her now. She RSVPs for herself and her two adult kids, only to find out through the grapevine two days before the wedding and after our meal count has been locked in, that her two kids are not coming. Mom tries to tell me that I shouldn't expect too much from our guests.

"Filipino weddings aren't like this. We don't do RSVPs," she says.

"But we're not paying for the entire village either," I say.

Come wedding day, auntie and uncle and their wedding crasher son don't even bother to show up to the wedding. Nope, no-show. So is the 20-year-old granddaughter who can't stay home by herself. MIA aunt shows up, but with two complete strangers in place of her kids. Yes, at least she brought people to replace her kids, but geez, did the two said strangers have to sneak out of our reception venue with two of our centerpieces (which were reserved for one person per table)?

We lost nearly $300 on guests who did not show up at the wedding. One table was completely empty. And nearly all (but one person) were obligatory invites, people who weren't on our list on the first place. $300 is not chump change for us and I'm still fuming over it. I feel really bad, especially since I justified to my already-annoyed fiance why they deserved to be added to the list. And they don't even bother to show up? Seriously, culture should not be a reason for your lack of courtesy. I don't care if the wedding cost $5 or $100 per plate, you don't tell someone you're coming and not show up.

So, couples, grow a backbone. Don't let people dictate your guest list. Guests, have some manners please. Don't insist on bringing along someone who wasn't on the invite, it's not your place, no matter how much you think this person should be there. And don't flake out. You might think we won't notice because of all that's going on, but we do.

Too bad. Your loss. Food was D-lish.


Kristin said...

Ugh. That is so incredibly rude. I am mad for you! We have a bunch of randoms coming to our wedding as plus ones, and then 2 people that we didn't even invite who are tagging along with a couple we invited. Despite the extra randoms, I would be even more pissed if someone said they were coming and didn't show.

Those randoms who stole the centerpieces? SO SO MESSED UP!

Belinda C said...

I am fuming for you too! So is my fiance (I just read it to him).
We'll see. My wedding is in two days. I can't wait to see who shows and who doesn't. And you're right....I WILL notice.

Newlywed said...

Awww, thank you ladies! Gonna Be His Mrs., good luck! It'll be a gorgeous wedding, just don't let bad apple guests keep you from enjoying your day!

Unknown said...

I so know where you are coming from and I really sympathise!!!
There is always someone who doesn't show up at your wedding and it's so infuriating.
We had a friend who didn't show up at our wedding and not only didn't he offer any explanation or apology, we never heard from him again :-(
Bizarre but true.

Jay Rowden - Photographer

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