Things could be worse

For the last couple of days, wedding planning has kind of taken a backseat again. You see, my fiance's family is going through a crisis right now and he kind of hinted that it may affect our anticipated budget for the wedding. I haven't really thought about the impact of that right now, or it hasn't really hit me as I thought it would. A lot of self-centered brides would be crying over this "tragic" development, but um, no. For one thing, there are more important things to take care of. Things beyond the wedding that are far more "tragic." Family crisis needs to be resolved. The well-being of loved ones are our priority.

How much is our budget now? I don't know. But if we thought we had to be resourceful and creative before, we definitely need to turn it up several notches. But I'm not worried. We're still going to be married, regardless. That's just how I see it. Things happen, s!%t happens. Move on. There are worse things that can happen. (Thanks, $2000 Wedding Budget for putting it into perspective!). But you know what? Despite not really do anything for wedding, things are kind of getting done.

Well, I met up with some friends for pho (Vietnamese noodles, yo!), and I told them a little bit of what's been going on. My good friend's boyfriend graciously offered his talents to DJ for our wedding, for FREE! I was really touched by his generous offer and he insisted it was his wedding gift to us! Wow! I mean, really, wow! Even though things might be a little bleak right now as far as funds, we have been really blessed. A friend just offering to volunteer to help plan the wedding, another friend agreeing to do both photography and video for way, way less than he normally charges, and now someone DJing for free. People have been really good to us and we're so completely grateful.

The case for sleeves

I may be going against the grain here. I might be bunking wedding fashion sensibility of say the last decade or so. But I'm just not feeling strapless. I know I'm dissing 90% of wedding gowns out there, but it's true. You see one strapless white gown, you feel like you've seen them all. Don't get me wrong, but strapless is quite lovely. Beautiful, really. But I never really saw myself as the the long, svelte model with the posture of a graceful swan who can really pull the look off.

I'm not saying strapless has got to go. I'm just saying it would be nice to have some variety out there. Yes, I'd like sleeves, straps, or maybe even just an interesting neckline, but I don't want to look like this:

Much too modest for my taste.

A saleswoman at one of my last visits to a bridal shop got frustrated with my no-strapless policy, considering her selection of non-strapless gowns was pretty shabby.

"Strapless has been the main style trend for the last decade," she said. "We only carry the styles that are popular in the elite wedding fashion scene." Meaning, non-strapless is soooo out. Listen, I didn't need a lecture on what's in, lady. I don't need you telling me that if I don't wear a strapless gown, I'm taking several years back in wedding fashion. Just find me a gorgeous gown with sleeves!

Then I found this article on Ivanka Trump's regal wedding gown!

Source

It was designed by Vera Wang and I love it! Modesty meets elegant and chic. Very lovely. Can the dress spark a renewed interest in sleeves for brides out there? Maybe. But even Vera gets strapless overload: "I've been doing strapless for 15 years. It's tiring."

I'm baaack!

See, that wasn't so bad. A few days not really worrying about wedding stuff  was actually quite nice (but I have to admit, I did catch myself daydreaming, or allowing myself to entertain a random thought or idea for wedding). For the most part, I tried not to focus on the big day. The fiance and I watched Inglorious Basterds (not for the squeamish, that's for sure), walked the dog, took my parents out for dinner to celebrate their birthdays, resumed my job search (the publication I work for is currently on "hiatus"), I read a book (The Pursuit of Happyness -- so much more to the story than the film portrays)--all to remind me that I do have a life outside of wedding planning.

So what to do now? Well, I have a full plate of to-dos to take care of. First, and this is a biggie, the dress. I have a couple of maybe's -- dresses I think are lovely, clean, classic and, um, verrry much in my budget range. But there is another possibility that I know I need to explore. It's a long-shot considering my budget, but it doesn't hurt to look into it. Keeping my fingers crossed!

I need to research DJs. We were thinking of going with my cousin, but...I don't know...he upped his previous proposed quote and, well, we're not so sure he's much of a deal anymore. We'd love to include him in the wedding cuz he's family and all, but dude, what happened to the family discount?

I'm finishing our STD's, and I'm really excited about them. More on this later.

I'm gathering quotes for local hotel blocks. Didn't think we would need to do this since most of our guests are local, but since we'll reserve a couple of hotel rooms for the bridal party that weekend anyway we figure we can save money with the group discount rate.

Hmmm, what else? Does anyone know of a good Samoan dance group in the So. Cal area? Just thought I'd ask.

Cranes for a Cause

I've decided to take a little break from wedding planning. Looking back at my last few posts, I was starting to get a little tired of my rants about the craziness of wedding planning -- the search for THE dress, budget issues, ettiquette. True, wedding planning can be crazy, but to make sure it isn't all about the craziness, and to remain a little sane, I'm going to not touch wedding stuff for a few days. It is afterall, a new year. I have a lot to look forward to--yes, I'll be married to the love of my life, but I have a lot of goals and plans for the coming year that doesn't necessarily involve the wedding. It's good to step away from the wedding insanity and find some balance in your life.

So, let's start off the year right, and before I take a little break, I'll leave you on a positive note. Some of you have already heard about this project, but I thought it's worth spreading to those who haven't. The Wedding Co. in Toronto, Canada are organizing this feel-good project for a great cause. They're collecting paper cranes from engaged couples around the world, and for every crane they receive they'll donate 50 cents to cancer research.

From 100 Layer Cake

What are they going to do with these cranes? Their goal is to collect 10,000 cranes to create a really awesome global community art installation to present at an exhibit in Toronto. Fascinating, huh? Read more about this project at http://www.theweddingco.com/

The fiance and I would love to incorporate this into our wedding somehow, especially since we'd rather put our efforts for favors into something more giving and memorable such as a donation to a worthy cause. It's a nice way to incorporate a cultural aspect into our wedding as well (my fiance is part Chinese, and while origami is a Japanese tradition, cranes are also significant symbols in Chinese culture.) I have this ambitious dream to fold 1000 paper cranes as legend claims it symbolizes good luck, but that is another project for another day. Right now, I need a break!

The tale of mystery gowns

I have a bone to pick, so forgive me if this sounds too harsh. I walked into a bridal shop...heck, I'm gonna be ruthless and just name which one: Bella Sposa in Rancho Cucamonga, CA. I was looking to try on an Eden bridal gown that I had seen before and had found the store on the Eden web site.

Here's the dress I tried on:

I thought it was simple, yet lovely, nice lines--beautiful! Actually, I had tried on this dress at another store, but the sample was way too small for me. So I decided to try a dress closer to my size.

When I tried on the gown, the sales associate made comments like, "Oh, this dress is just so plain," or "I don't know if I like this one on you." Well, true the dress didn't look great on me, but the sample was about 8 sizes too big, and the girl didn't even make an attempt to clip the back so I can see how it should look on me! When I asked how much they were selling the gown for, the sales associate ignored me and said she wanted me try on other gowns that would "look better on me."

She brought back a couple, and the first one she brought out was, I admit, gorgeous. It was v-neck, A-line with straps. Oh, how the sales associate gushed over this dress. She even grabbed a veil and put a hair clip on me. She kept saying how much of a great deal she can give me for the dress.

$599. It's a good price! Better than what other stores will sell it to you for!

 When I asked who the designer was, she hesitated.

I can't tell you the designer. It's against store policy.

Whaaa???? I can't know the name and brand of the dress I might buy??? Then how the hell am I supposed to know if I am getting a great deal? When I checked for tags on the dress, I found that the store had simply replaced the tags with their own store tag, eliminating the manufacturer's name.

Shady? Um, yeah! It's ILLEGAL!

Under the Textile Fiber Products Identification Act of 1963, retailers must disclose pertinent information, including the manufacturers name. Usually, this info is included on dress tags, but some shops will go through a loophole and simply replace the tags with store tags (as Bella Sposa did). You can read more information on this law here.

But it is still unlawful and extremely unethical for shops to refuse to disclose information before purchase of a gown. You don't after all, walk into a car dealership and purchase a car not knowing if it was a Honda or Kia.

So how do you protect yourself? Well, I simply walked out of the store, refusing to do business with them. But what if you found your dream dress? Now the shop really has you cornered! Well, I think there are definitely ways to track down the dress without succumbing to them. I was reading a WeddingBee board post about a girl who had gone through the same thing. She simply had a friend snap a few photos of the dress on the DL even though the shop wouldn't allow photography (hey, all's fair in love and war, right?) and posted the pics on the WeddingBee forum. With fellow Bees' help, she found her gown!

My visit with Bella Sposa has only pushed me further into being completely jaded with the dress shopping experience. I feel like shops are out there trying to scam and steal from me whenever they can! I know that not all shops are shady and I shouldn't be so paranoid, but it doesn't make me feel empowered at all. So, what did I do? I filed a report against Bella Sposa with the FTC and the BBB. I wrote cautionary reviews on Yelp and Project Wedding.

Yes, this is the wrong bride to mess with!!!

I concede defeat

The dress and I were not meant to be. I've been told that my FSIL wouldn't mind at all, "she wouldn't mind if you wore her dress," but what it comes down to is that I don't want to wear HER dress. I want to wear my own dress. The Maggie gown is still very much similar to my FSIL's and while I still think that the dress has everything I want, I can't bring myself to wear the dress without feeling some guilt.

So, what now? Keep looking again? I know exactly what I want. I want simple, but chic. I want a slim A-line, V-neck and straps, a fitted bodice and some ruching on it (it slims out the problem areas, folks). I prefer no (or at least minimal) beading. I want a corset and a train. I prefer satin. Wait, that sounds like Maggie again! Doh!

After browsing through Maggie Sotterro gowns, I found these options:

June

V-neck, check, straps, check...but a little too A-line? Not thrilled about the beads, Next.

Then there was this lovely dress:

AD3274

But the empire waist threw me off, and maybe a little too informal.

Then there was this Marilyn gown. Eagerly, I clicked on it to find out more.

But I was disappointed to find this backside view:

Very low back, and not something I'd wear at church. Great on the model, but definitely not on me.

I was getting discouraged until I found this gown.

Meet Vivien:

Not exactly V-neck, but a sweetheart neckline. A-line, with a tad bit of beading on the cap sleeves. I can live with that. There a little brooch on the side and yes, we have a corset back. But the train is a little short for my taste, but I figure I can compensate with a longer veil:

 

Hmmm...possibly...Life does go on after an ended affair.

Different dress, same thing

I'm in a dilemma. I can't keep my mind off of a dress, even though I swore I would never consider her again. But she keeps coming back to me, driving me insane with desire. I must have her. She beckons. I feel like some sleazy dress owner with a habitual wandering eye. Will I ever be happy? Will I ever settle down with just one dress? Will I ever be certain I have the one? No, because I keep thinking about her.

Remember, my Casablanca gown? No, not the trumpet one I had seriously thought was the one. The A-line V-neck strappy gown I thought was mine for a fleeting moment. I came back from the store, excited about the perfect-fit gown in mint condition, ready off the rack for $400! I loved the dress from the moment I slipped her on. She fit me like a glove. She complimented those dreaded hips of mine, not accentuated. Ah, she had me at hello. I didn't buy her, but I was almost sure I'd come back for her again.

But then I discovered she had already been worn. Not just by hundreds, if not thousands, of other brides, but one person that would end our short-lived affair. My future sister in law had already worn that exact same dress just two years before! Would anyone notice? Um, at least one person would. And I don't think that's how I want to start off my relationship with my FSIL! Imagine me wearing her gown! Awkward.

The Casablanca gown

The thing is, after trying on dozens of dresses and looking at countless gowns, I've finally realized which dress I think really compliments my body, the kind of dress I feel comfortable and beautiful in. V-neck, A-line, with a little bit of ruching on the bodice. It's got to have a train. Something that exudes understated elegance, not too many embellishments. Sounds like a dress you can easily find, right? Nope. A non-strapless gown requirement eliminates pretty much 90% of the wedding gowns out there. Not only that, but they're usually covered in beads. Beads can be beautiful, but I can only stand very little of them.

When I would describe the perfect gown to salesladies, their eyes light up like they know exactly what I'm talking about and they come back with, well, what do you know? That damn Casablanca gown. She haunts me yet again.

I've searched high and low for another gown similar, yet different, with not much success. Until, I don't know, the heavens sent me Maggie Sottero with this eerily similar gown:

My eyes bulged out of their sockets, my heart leaped. It was Casablanca 4.0! A definite upgrade. She's made of satin, not taffeta. And while the Casablanca gown had a splash of barely there beads across the bodice, this Maggie Sottero gown is simply shiny satin. But, get this, she has a corset back! Definite plus! Price-wise, she's a little on the high end for me, but still below my maximum budget.

But wait...who am I kidding? She's basically the same dress! Different designer, different material, slight difference on the details, but put the two gowns together and you're seeing double! I called different bridal shops looking for the sample gown and all of them said the same thing --We don't carry this gown, but we have a Casablanca gown just like it... Yeah.

I love this dress. I've never wanted a dress like this before. But will it still be tacky to wear a gown that's kinda, sorta, but not really the same as the one my FSIL wore on her wedding day? I've been told that it shouldn't matter, it won't be the same, my FSIL probably won't even notice. But still, if you were my FSIL, how would you feel? Help! What would you do???